Five Rules of Ethical Twins Fandom

First rule: Do not tarnish the memory of Johan Santana by pointing out his every wild pitch or game lost or by comparing Johan to the most recent Twins pitcher to win a game or to be lucky. If anyone puts down Johan, give them a look of disgust. Give them no credit by assuming that they will not notice your look of disgust. [Fact: the Star Tribune reported Johan Santana's first Spring Training loss, on the front page of the main section, so you can not depend on others to be good role models.]

Second Rule: It is okay to be excited about Carlos Gomez. You are allowed to say things like, "Wow, if he can continue to bunt like he has been, he could be the next Rod Carew." This statement is overly optimistic, as Carlos is not ever going to be as good as Rod Carew-- only Ichiro is as good as Rod Carew was-- but it is still ethical.

Third Rule: It is not okay to praise management when they insert a slap hitter (Punto, Tolbert, Span, ...) in the number two spot on the roster. God gave that spot to Joe Mauer. There is no requirement of ethics to condone poor decisions.

Fourth Rule: Praise management when they play Jason Kubel instead of Span/Monroe, Brendan Harris instead of Punto/Tolbert, or put Joe Mauer in the DH spot when he is not catching. Ethics require that we positively reinforce good behavior.

Fifth Rule: Never use "innings eater" as a positive term unless the innings eaten are good innings. Just as the ethical person has no reason to put down excellent players like Johan Santana, we also have no reason to praise the not so good players on our team. (If you are not sure who the not so good Twins are, listen for compliments by the broadcasters or management-- the ones they compliment most loudly are the poor players.)

Class dismissed.